today, I met my mother.

age 16.
young. bold. firey. afraid.

running from her body

her violent home


her only solace, her guitar,
which would take her, as wings, to fly someplace safe.


until one day
her father cracked it in half

crashing it
on her head.


today I met my mother, as her mother.

I went back to that home
and stopped the violent man
stopped him before he could hurt her.

not even once.
not ever.

and I took her to a different home.
so she could have a different life.

.......
only, I wasn't born soon enough to be there
when she needed protection.


I was born one generation away from violence.

it is close enough for me to feel,
but far enough for me to grow larger than it.

to heal, nourish myself,
and open my presence
so I can wrap my mother inside it.

I will expand my love
to be so wide and vast

that it can bend backwards in time

and hold my mom,
then, too.


today I met my mother.

age 16.

beaten.

afraid.


I will hold her until she knows she is safe.

head to shoulder

some people's suffering is more apparent.

the homeless person

asleep in the corner of the train

the man

yelling at people

drinking vodka from his bottle.

the woman yelling at him

to drink

behind closed doors.

but the man is here

 seeking witnesses for his pain.

I am sitting here

with no bottle...

no shards to hold

from the ruins of my brokenness.

just a tightening chest,

a thickening around my throat

no one can see.

a scream for help

buried too deep inside

no one can hear.

I want to rest my head

on the shoulder of the stranger next to me.

and the man with the drink

can rest his head on mine.

I'll help him hold

the weight of his bottle.

and just for a moment

we'll rest together.

head to shoulder head to shoulder

down the row

on the bumpy 2 train home.

--------------------------------

buy Mariel's poetry book here

universal mourning

Yesterday a 2 yr. old drowned in the lake in Prospect Park.

 I was going for my daily park walk by the boathouse when I saw people in panic, a mother was holding one child, pacing around the lake, police just arriving. We learned that a child was missing.

Her cousin was found on a path, wet, covered in green algae.

A police officer found a tiny sandal, covered in algae.

There is so much algae covering the lake that you cannot even see that it is water. From a 2 yr old's view, it might have looked like a grassy field to run on. 

For hours before her body was found in the lake, some park bystanders were helping look. There was a helicopter, at least 50 police officers, and all of us folk

looking through the woods and paths.

Her cousin was found on a path.

wet, covered in algae.

maybe she was just lost in the woody area of the park?

There were some people eating their lunch by the lake,

people playing games in the field near by.

If everyone that was nearby had heard about it and jumped into the green lake, would she have been saved?

We were all helping, but what if the message had been communicated sooner, that she was lost, might be in the lake...

could we all have jumped in and felt around for her body?

If everyone in the park knew that there was a missing child there would be no soccer games, no picnics, no leisurely strolls, no kissing on the bridge, no taking pictures by the boat house, no runners passing through.

I wanted to run around and scream and tell everyone.

I wanted to SCREAM---a 2 yr. old might be drowning right now!!

STOP PLAYING. PLEASE HELP.

EVERYONE.

We need EVERYONE here to help the mom look for her kid. 

Instead, my friend and I paced through the wooded paths, as instructed by the police, hoping that she was on land, and we could spot her.

The news came by the evening that her body was found in the lake.

and I am sitting here shaking. 

crying.

remembering the mother in panic---gripping to her son---running and searching.

My friend and I had gone into the park wrapped up in our lives when suddenly confronted with the horror and tragedy of the death of a 2 yr. old girl.

and now, away from the park, I am unable to leave it.

I cannot go back to the things I have to do.

There are places in the world where horrifying tragedy happens all of the time. I think immediately of Palestine. 

I read yesterday

that Palestinian Mohammad Abu Khadair was burned alive.

And then I find my way around to other war-torn countries where everyday someone is killed by a bomb or gun.

I just don't see it.

All of the mothers aren't running by me.

I am unable to see their face, gripped with terror.

What else don't I see hidden away in my tower of privilege?

Reading the news, I saw pictures of the 4 transwomen of color who were murdered this past June.

and read about how many Brazilian transgender people have died this year.

After I read about these tragedies I didn't go outside and run trying to find the perpetrator. 

I couldn't.

The news comes too late and from too far.

and I am often left paralyzed when faced with such horror

happening everyday.

every minute.

And now, I am left out of breath from searching for the little girl, but I cannot rest.

I cannot go back to my home, my piano. My tiny little bubble.

I have to continue to help fight for justice.

My heart is filled with so much sadness for the mother and her family.

I will not be able to walk by the park lake again without remembering this tragedy.

But this is just it.

I need to remember.

Yes. I need to live my life and laugh and sing, but I need to remember the people in this world struggling to live, faced with such tragedy everyday.

If all of us, privileged enough to enjoy leisure, can remember, then maybe there would be more action?

If I were able to see a Palestinian mother weeping for her child--in front of me---as a sudden interruption to my normal day---

how would the rest of my day look?

what would the things to do be?

What is the most important thing we can be doing?

"We who believe in freedom cannot rest

We who believe in freedom cannot rest until it comes

Until the killing of Black men, Black mothers’ sons

Is as important as the killing of White men, White mothers’ sons

We who believe in freedom cannot rest

We who believe in freedom cannot rest until it comes"

-Bernice Johnson Reagon

listen to the song here

--------------------------------

starry days (lyrics)

listen while you read here

__________________________________________________________
we're drowning in our thirst

swallowed by our hunger

burnt by our shadow

poisoned by our apple


we're dreaming when awake
we're sleeping through our days


forgotten by our future

locked out from our past

dancing in our stillness

lifted by our fall


we're dreaming when awake
we're sleeping through our days


revealed by our secrets
awoken by our sleep
swimming in the desert
frozen by the heat

in starry days and shining nights
moving doesn't change
forgotten middle hours
turn


into rain...

revealed by our secrets

awoken by our sleep

swimming in the dessert

frozen by the heat

in starry days and shining nights

moving doesn't change

forgotten middle hours

turn

into rain...

we're dreaming when awake

we're sleeping through our days....

___________________________________________________________



order Mariel's solo cd here

falling stars (lyrics)

listen to the song here

_________________________________________________________
the sun melts
as
we slip away

our stillborn dreams

our sunken shame


while we dance
under the stars

under the rain

naked, the same


the earth spins round
we'll never know
will we fall off
the faster it goes round??


the earth grows dizzy
as it spins around
the sun and moon watch
us all fall down

we all fall down

we all fall down

will we look like shooting stars
crashing to the ground?

will we look like shooting stars
crashing
to
the ground?

maybe so (lyrics)

listen to the song here


___________________________________________
the sun burns our eyes
if we look at it to find...

our sand castle
washes away by the tide

time passes by
sweeping friends in its stride.

how can I love if love dies?

how can I love if love dies?


what can we keep?

what can we hold?

let's come together
to joyously weep

at my new altar

let us bow down

singin' dear ones
I don't know
I don't know

I don't know...

maybe so.


I'll be singing this song
after you're gone

but my song is over
not after too long

my song is over
not after too long.


even the longest kiss
cannot stretch into for sure

and you can hold my hand
just remember to let go

at my new altar
let us bow down

singing dear ones
I don't know
I don't know

I don't know...

maybe so.

mermaid parade (lyrics)

a summer day of rain and whistles

black flies biting

mermaid giggles

and while we whiled away the afternoon

the silken sand of wind and willow

willow weeps but still tomorrow

I won't speak of you or you of me

I see you riding by the corner

as I'm tucked beneath the awning

hiding from your shadow in the rain

we'll never speak of love......

we'll never speak of love....

in the mermaid parade

on that wild windy day

we couldn't keep the tide from comin' in.

can the past burn into ashes?

can our ashes spread to soil?

can new seeds be pressed below it?

and new life sprout from above it?

will the plant that then arises

carry something from below it?

will it look like you

or look like me?

will we weep

will we see

will we cry

will we speak

will we know another day

another time

another day

another time.....?

we'll never speak of love....

__________________________________________________________________

listen to the song  here