being with the people we love

I'm beginning to realize that someday my grandma will die.

and someday later my parents will be gone.

What will it be like to suddenly not be able to see the people that brought me into my life?

I used to think that one day I wouldn't need their guidance and support.

that eventually I would be enough on my own.

but I still call Teddi with major (and minor) life questions

my dad still is ALWAYS right

my mom still teaches me how to turn my struggle into a poem

my grandma still is my most important role model as a strong, wise, independent woman living a long and fulfilled life with NO MAN, running her own business----staying true to her work ethic even as her health fails, as she approaches age 94!!!

I hope I will live as free, wise, (and long!!!)

as her.

I've faced the death of close people in my life--

one of my favorite students, Will

my other grandparents.

but I don't think I can handle any more.

I can't imagine my life without being able to call my grandma to talk about gardening + plants.

I can't imagine not getting ridiculous cards from my mom on valentine's day reminding me that my meat is always rancid because I keep shopping at the same supermarket (dating musicians?) haha

and when I feel hopeless and lost--who will I call if I can't talk to my stepmom and Dad who remind me that

I can make it through this life. that I am loved.

because sometimes I forget

these very important things.

Being in Germany, on the other side of the Atlantic from all my loved ones has made me realize that I'm SO LUCKY to have amazing, supportive parents.

and I'm lucky to live close to them.

My life is passing by SO FAST

and their's...now even faster.

I know there's no way to prepare myself for their loss--but for now I can make sure to spend lots of time with them---

listening and being present

asking them questions

learing more about their lives.

A good friend when grieving the shocking death of his sister said:

"please make time to be with the people you love"

and then and there

I called my sister.

my sister who lives one neighborhood over in brooklyn, 
who I would see once every two months or maybe not even.

now we make sure to go on a walk together every week.

I will make the time.

because what's more important in this life

than being with the people we love?