All Along

What if everything I gave you
I gave to me?

What if everything I thought you had
was just
my dream?

What if all the love I thought was yours
turned out

to be mine

all along?

if i could live anywhere, it would be within the creases and folds of this wrinkly sand, waiting to fall into the mouth of the endless sea -- to be tossed, turned and sculpted again, each day.

my own survivor

there are some moments

where i'm not making anything beautiful or great,

and I'm not getting anything done.

I don't have "likes" validating my experience

and even so,

I have nothing to show.

But it is in these moments

that I'm finally 

and fully

not fighting myself.

The sword is sleeping in the corner.

And I am sitting,
breathing --

my mind shimmering like a soft, still lake.

Here I am

again,

okay.

they say sometimes it's not safe to walk alone

------------/////////-------------

There is not one street in Brooklyn

Without a memory

Waiting for me to turn a corner

And run into it.

9th
16th

Bergen and degraw...

The past knocks me over

Like an unexpected wind.

The memory is fuller
 than what is here now.

The stark contrast
Cutting,
Grating,
Scraping,
my skin.

To watch a memory
Is not the same as to live.

20 miles per hour

We sat in the car in silence.

But louder than the silence

Was the feeling

Pulsing, throbbing,
Trembling, shaking

Beating on the doors, the windows, the seats.

I thought the car would break down from lust.