Monday, June 4, 2018

What we knew            What we didn’t know (yet)

That we had been friends forever,
and always would be.       
That there always is a breaking point.       

You would walk into a room, and I would wave
with the biggest smile. You would laugh at my
ridiculously large smile, and
I would smile more.
  That this love, somehow became too much for you.

Our amazing connection
was bigger than everything else.

Until it wasn’t.
Until the trauma was bigger than everything else.

Even when the world around was a serious,
heavy place, we could still dance and leap with
umbrellas in the rain.

You could forget the joy, the good.

Your wound could make you cruel.

My wound could make me desperate.                     

We could finish eachother’s thoughts.

But somehow we still held secrets.

I loved you so much.
I loved you too much.

We would go get chocolate mousse for our
birthdays like the year before, like always.  

We would never get to wish eachother
a happy birthday.

You would just suddenly be gone.

You would break if I needed you too much.
But I didn’t know how much.

We would still laugh even when breaking up,
I could talk in a silly accent, you would be
listening to strange music that didn’t fit the
mood and we would laugh at the absurdity.
We could still hug and remember
all the love and hope for a future.

Two weeks later you would send an email destroying it all.
Leaving me with nothing.

Except the grief.
Which is endless.

And I would take any little moment back
to not have to feel this pain.

There were so many little things
But it was the little things that finally broke us.

And now, even the memories feel like nothing at all
Because the way you chose to end, erased it all.

We could laugh even in hard times.

And that last time we hung out,
innocently taking funny pictures at dunkin donuts
next to strange posters would be our last time.

And I walk by that place everyday
and wonder how it’s possible
that everything blew up so fast.

Or, how we didn’t even see it slowly burning.

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