different kinds of families

the question has come up before: when are you going to start a family?

but I would like a different question.

I would like to hear:

"how many families are you a part of?"

or

"what kinds of families do you have?"

and then I would tell them about my house.

how I live with 5 strong, amazing women.

and how our community is our partnership and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Romantic interests come and go, but our companionship is our stability.

I have never felt so loved and consistently taken care of.

And then I would tell them about my larger community that centers around my house---all the house concerts, potlucks, and dance parties where people get together and celebrate the fact that we are so very connected.

It is easy to forget...or it used to be more so before...

before when I thought I was supposed to be alone and work all of the time in order to deepen my art and music.

but now I would like my art and music to be the celebration of people coming together.

And had I been asked a different question about my other families I would have told you about the family with which I'm touring through Europe.  We are mostly new to eachother, learning about one another through bunk-beds, breakfast, and long walks stretching along Iceland's coast. Yesterday we walked for MUCH TOO LONG and by the evening we were only able to laugh hysterically, for we had run out of talk.

and it is only the 3rd day of tour! we have 6.5 weeks to go!

and then there's the oldest family that I have known, my biological family which is

my sister

my mom and her sisters

Arnie and his HUGE family

Dad and his siblings

Grandma

Teddi and her amazing family.

Yes the divorce was difficult, but I would never want to return to only having one mom and one dad and their relatives to know. It is WAY more fun this way!

and then if you ask me: "do I have a partner?"

I would say

I have a question for you!

"what is a partner?"

"why is a partner different than a friend?"

If I build communities of support where my friends take care of one another to the same extent that a partner would, then why do we need to call them different things, or place different expectations on them?

and if you ask me: "am I married?"

actually

I would say yes.

I AM married.

It happened 1.5 years ago, in the prospect park tunnel during a performance piece I wrote.

I swore to myself "Lo, I am with you always"

witnessed and held by my community

we had a sacred ritual of communion where I promised that I wouldn't abandon myself anymore

because everytime I was trying to fit into the world the way it left room for me, I felt like I was squeezing into something that would never quite be for me.

and everytime I was looking outside and waiting for someone else to make my life matter, I was abandoning Me!

The night in the tunnel, I promised that I would honor my life and stay faithful to myself.

all these wonderful people will come and go---we'll hold hands, play music, dance, and tell stories,

but ultimately

I am my most loving companion.

when asked all these questions

I would like to ask a question back.

I would like to ask

why are you assuming that a heteronormative monogamous lifestyle is the only way to live?

Why start a family when you can simply gather people together?

why do you only love the people you birthed,

the people that look like you?

I have thousands of other questions in reply to your question

buy maybe next time you'll invite me into your family and I'll invite you into my own.

or maybe even... next time there won't be mine or yours

but we'll gather everyone together, widening all our families into one.