passing through

I had a dream that my stuff was all spread out at different people's houses.

my drumset (??) was in North Carolina (??) in my aunt's basement, I had 2 huge suitcases that I left in my math teacher (??)'s office, and my childhood dolls were at my other aunt's house in NJ where I had hidden some valuable letters inside their plastic feet (??!!).

I had also discovered in my garage, a tiny portable piano-like chamber that I could carry around with me and crawl inside to make lots of fun noises.

My bunkmates informed me that I had been talking in my sleep.

I woke up realizing that I've been trying to be in too many places.

A piece of me has not left brooklyn, trying to hold on to my identity and all the people and things there that make me ME.

Who am I without all my everydays that constantly reflect me?

without my roommates

without my piano

without my garden

without my family

without my friends

without my students

without my stuff?

If my being is traveling and in transition, am I anyone right now?

Facebook makes it really easy to exist EVERYWHERE.

Do I actively need to spread my consciousness around different parts of my past in order to feel my whole self?

It's like I'm afraid of not being ME, of not existing, so I keep grasping onto fragments of my life in order to feel whole.

If I let the fragments go

maybe

I can see more than each piece?

yes,

the pieces matter

a

LOT.

but maybe I don't need to run around and collect them

in order to trust that they're there.

In the hostel where we are staying in Reykjavic, I have met so many people from all around the world traveling on their own.

A 21 yr. old woman from Canada is starting a 6 month journey around Europe by herself.

Paula from New Zealand is traveling around Europe and then moving to Toronto for a year with NO plan whatsover...

(except finding a place to work and live).

She knows no one there!!!

I told her that I think I'd be too afraid to move somewhere new if I didn't know anyone.

She said, "I'm too afraid to do this too."

but

she IS.

This hostel is some strange purgatory...

some bizzare transitional space

where people are simply passing through.

and we meet

for moments

and tell people of our journey

but ultimately we are all on our separate paths.

I feel blessed to meet these courageous people and to have a glimpse of their life before they travel on.

I sometimes forget

that in brooklyn even though I get to see the same people everyday (my roommates), and have a large community of friends that I see consistently,

home life

is also...

always in transition.

This hostel is a heightened experience of the realities of life.

We are always changing, in flux,

traveling in place or in feeling.

and the time that we are able to come together

is rare

special

sacred.

and then we disperse  back to our own beautiful and unique paths

walking slowly

finding our life reveal itself to us.

When I come "home" to brooklyn, can I see my beloved friends as travelers on their own?

and each time we have the honor to connect

can I ask

who are you now?

what have you seen?

how lucky we are to witness eachother on our journeys.

I told the woman from Canada

"your 6 month solo trip inspires me to have less fear of my own unpredictable life."

and by now she has left for her next adventure

and I too

am here

simply

passing through...